We were treated to an excellent presentation on Finding your Inner Resilience by Katie Day, the High Heeled Leader, at the March 2015 Women in Business West Kent meeting.

Katie started with a short exercise “What 3 words sum me up?” and then asked us the questions:

  • Do you know what impression you are giving to other people?
  • Do you know what you personal values are?
  • Are you living in alignment with your personal values?

Know your values

If you struggle to identify your values think about what “makes your heart sing” or “my soul lights up when I …” or consider the things that make you angry.

What motivates you?

What is your why? If you are clear on your why then you can overcome any ‘roadblocks’ you may encounter. There’s an excellent TED presentation from Simon Sinek on this.

Another way of thinking about it is “What do you do? = What do you give?”

When communicating with someone it is helpful to create an avatar before writing your book/articles so you can picture them and write directly to them.

Other people’s behaviour

“If I want to change the relationships I attract, in all parts of my life, I have to change my behaviour first.”

Take ownership of your own thought processes.

Recognise when someone is showing aggression or passivity it’s not about you but about them.

If we give away our power to others we lose our resilience

Know your non-negotiable agenda

This links back to your values. If your values are clear then it is easier to know what your non-negotiable things are. Keep firm on these and be prepared to negotiate on everything else.

The power of boundaries

“What you allow is what will continue”

People feel secure if they know what your boundaries are. If you don’t have boundaries you are rewarding bad behaviour.

Energy givers and drainers

The only thing that gives or drains energy is your reaction. You have control over that.

You have control over your emotions. You chose whether or not to give power to others.

“The only thing we actually own are our own thoughts”

Coming back into yourself

Red infinity symbol

Before going to sleep call all parts of yourself back to yourself so you can re-energise and rest overnight.

Think about who you have interacted with in person, via the phone or email.

Am I still energetically connected to that person or event?

Visualise yourself with the Infinity symbol with you in one half and any negativity in the other half. Get scissors and snip it and make sure you send it away with love and gratitude not resentment.

Think about the one thing that you have learned today that you will take into tomorrow.

Be alert, awake and aware of what is going on around you.

Taking responsibility

Your life begins to change the day you take responsibility for it – Steve Maraboli

You have the ability to chose your response to any situation. Remember to be authentic in all communications.

Action Plan

  • Know your values
  • Be clear on your why
  • Examine your own behaviour
  • Establish your boundaries
  • Stand firm with your non-negotiables
  • Bring yourself back to your centre every day
  • Let negativity go with gratitude
  • Always be the centre of your own life and stand grounded in your centre of inner strength and resilience.

Finally be aware that it takes effort to learn a new habit.

Katie’s Presentation

Here’s a link to Katie’s slides Katie Day WIB WestKent-26March15

Katie’s Radio Show Appearance

Katie mentioned a radio show she was on recently: The Workplace” on Resonance 104.4FM

Topic: The (Modern) Battle of the Sexes with guests:

  1. Dr. Yvonne Thompson, CBE ( (, author of 7 Traits of Highly Succesful Women on Boards
  2. Christopher V. Flett, (, author of What Men Don’t Tell Women About Business
  3. Katie Day (, author of The High-Heeled Leader.

To tune in:

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated by the radio station. Tweet: @nndeewrites @Resonancefm

Do you know what your personal values are? Are you living your life according to them? We’d love to know more so please share in the comments below.


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